Relapse - Look it up on Dictionary.com
- I lived with Ben on Cartier
- I was with Emily
- I lived with Ben on Cartier
- I was with Emily
I don't even know where to start... writing right now feels like some forced, unnatural process that I'm only doing because I know there are people coming here and wondering where the fuck I am. Yes, in the month of August, I've had well over 1500 hits to my website, which is amazing considering what it is, an uninfished personal journal of a unintersting fuck up. I'm not sure what that knowledge does to me... might make me feel like I have much more of an audience than I used to.. but then again, it might just give me more motivation to write better... but strangley, at least right now, it makes me wonder why it doesn't do anything to me at all. This entry is going to seem very unnatural, not flowing or anything... I'm forcing it all out and it hurts, but I have to do it. I'll do my best to get some good content in though, but I can't garauntee anything... we'll just see how it goes... besides, not that much has happened in the last little while really, so I don't know how long the entry will be anyway.
1 Comments
beautiful.breathtaking.emily
It's probably quite obvious by now that it's increasingly difficult for me to update regularly while holding this job, but I think it's just because I'm not in the routine and the such... I mean, I'm sure if I set aside a time to do it, I could probably manage to keep it updated, but I don't think it will ever be as greatly updated as it has been in the last month or two, because I alsways used to do that when I was on my sleeping pills and really tired, and I had hours to do it, so now I don't think they'll live up to that standard, and that kind of pisses me off. I haven't been up to that much lately, but enough to justify an entry I suppose.
Shortly after I wrote that previous entry, Jess came online (Michelle's sister) and she actually did a decent job of cheering me up, without even knowing I was down, which makes it that much more appreciated, because she was just naturally nice to me, it had nothing to do with pity. Anyway, she wanted to send me a lot of pictures, because her and Michelle just recently bought a new computer with a webcam, so they've been going nuts with the pictures and obviously I want to see them.. all, as I am an official stalker and such. So I took her through step by step proceesses of downloading WinZip, installing it, cracking it with a crack I downloaded, then creating a zip file, than navigating to their photo directory, than selecting all (CTRL-A) and then adding them. Once that was done, I had to show her how to send it over MSN. These girls know nothing about computers, that much was obvious, but I enjoyed helping them because now if they want to do something like that again, they easily could. I wouldn't mind helping either of them learn more about Windows or whatever, because they caught on fast and didn't frustrate me.. all you other people, no dice. back away.
i had just had a showerSo here is the plan. Thanks to the near-godlike status of a one Tony, he has hooked me up with 100mb of free webspace, ad-free, with my own subdomain and a huge buttload of other things, such as PHP enabled servers... and well, it's awesome. So, what the plan is, is that I am going to deconstruct this website, really think about what I want it for, how I want it to display, and build it from the ground up, complete in PHP script, so it's automated, consistent and hopefully will have some advanced features, like an actual comment script, that you can leave automatic comments, that don't have to be manually added by me... you'll just click submit and they'll appear.. that's my dream anyway. A menu that reads from a file and inserts itself into each page is also something I've already achieved in just tonight, so if I want to change the menu, I can just change the source data file, rather than open all fifty of my webpages and manually change it on each page... so much easier to change things now. I'm trying to think of a few layout ideas... I've already finalized my idea of what I want entries to look like and how I want them displayed, but I'm still think about how I will go about adding new entries.. whether I want to do it manually, or have it automatted.. I think it might have to be automatted if I want to use a comment system... so I'm going to take some time and really think about it. As for other things, such as my stories, I'm trying to think about maybe a different variation on my current layout would be more appropriate, rather than it just looking like a long entry, maybe I can change it, so it stands out a bit more... all these things are going through my mind, but I want to make something clear, this won't be available for you people to use/see until about christmas, so that gives me a long time to program it and make sure it works great.. I might need a few people to help test some of the scripts, but I'm sure I'll talk to you privatly about that.. so now I have a huge work in progress, and it's quite excited.. and it's all thanks to Tony, for saving me from those Geocities freaks!
